Confidence is such an important word for all of us. We wish we had more of it as if they were the superpower that would make everything possible. Confidence is a friend that helps us when we invite her to come in, but unreliable at times when she disappears at the precise moment when we need her: in a job interview, a speech, or when we are going to voice our opinion to a superior, or even ride a bike for the first time.
An important accomplishment during the pandemic has been to support my 4-year-old to ride her bike with no side wheels. I say support because I did not have to teach her, it's as if she already knew how and just needed the confidence to let go. She cried a little, pouted, saw the long road ahead of her, and said: “I can’t do it, it’s too hard!”. But minutes after I said “It is hard, but do you want to try it only up to that tree?" (2 meters away), she realized that she really wanted to learn and found the courage to try. After only 2 tries, she was able to ride a short distance without me holding the seat. We turned around and I said, “Look how far you have gone!” By looking back, she was filled with confidence and joy, it's as if her toddler self was left behind.
Having more confidence is a common topic in my coaching sessions. We wish it was an amulet that we could hold on to when facing a situation that is very important to us. As I started this journey of becoming a self-employed coach, confidence has come and gone, but I realized that the more I try, practice, and focus, the more she stays with me. Sometimes, things don't go as I wished, but if I use my mind to re-focus and try again, and again, she comes back. And when I turn around and see how far I have gone, I find myself proud of what I have accomplished and the new person I am becoming.
As a coach, this is what I hope to support my clients with: have a plan to build your confidence, step into that state of growth and courage, and be compassionate and patient with yourself. As coaches, sometimes we just need to remind our clients of a moment when they had that confidence they desire and have them extract the learnings they need from that past self. We sometimes forget about what we are capable of accomplishing and find ourselves anxious and stuck. Taking a look back, as my daughter did, helps us learn from our confident past self achieving something as simple as driving a bike or a car for the first time.
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